my story
Hello, I’m Nadia C Patterson (born Nadia Charise Johnson) and I’m a 45 year old woman who has just begun to find herself. I met my husband when I was in the 6th grade. No, we aren’t childhood sweethearts, but we did grow up together. We went to the same middle school for 1 year back in 1988-89. He graduated from the 8th grade that year, moved from the suburbs to the city to attend high school and ultimately graduated from Illinois State University. This story begins when we meet up again on that cold and blizzardy night in January 2000.
It was a blizzard, yes a blizzard! We live in Chicago so I’m not exaggerating. I had graduated from Michigan State University in the Summer of 1999 and I had moved back home. My girlfriend and I decided to go out for the evening (You try and stop two beautiful and sexy 22yr old young women from partying. Was it a blizzard or just blowing snow? It’s all in how you perceive it.). It was a typical night at the club and looking back; I was only there to reconnect with him. What is meant to be; will be. As I stand next to the bar, eyeing this fine brotha, he finally gets the nerve to speak to me and he says, “Don’t I know you?” With disgust on my face, I ask myself - How lame is this dude? Wow! Don’t you know me? That’s all he had? I mean he is cute but he just blew it! “NO, YOU DON’T KNOW ME.” I said. (It’s 2022 and I’m still dealing with controlling my facial expressions.) Then, to my surprise, I hear him say, “Ok, Miss Johnson”….(insert shocked emoji). That was the first, but not last time he corrected my sassy ass. We have been inseparable ever since.
We got married in September 2006, moved into our newly built home in October 2006 and welcomed our first child in July 2007. The housing market crashed in 2008 and my husband, a real estate investor, took a huge hit. He, my husband, thought that it was best to stop paying on the mortgage and invest those funds into his million dollar plan. I continued to pay the monthly bills while he began to grind to make his vision come true. In October 2008, we experienced a miscarrige and then welcomed our 2nd child in May 2010. All the while, I had been working, keeping a roof over our heads and stressing because my mortgage hasn't been paid in years. Full transparent moment: I started to plant the seed of resentment because I was looking at my situation in a negative light. My perception was: ‘I’m taking care of two children while he’s out 5-6 nights a week and getting his release on the softball field. His life doesn’t change much but mine has changed drastically. I’m home with bills. I’m home with chores. I’m home with our children. My husband is not’. Over the next 9 years I watered and nourished that resentment seed and it grew.
In June 2019, I suffered a health issue and it hit me like a ton of bricks. At that moment I realized that tomorrow isn’t promised and I decide that I will waste no more time pretending I am happy. What I did know was this: I love him and I want to be his wife. He loves me and wants to be happily married. I decided to start watering that seed. It too grows. I begin trying not to get defensive during every conversation and that allows me to listen more. Listening allows the illusion of unhappiness to fade. As the illusion fades, I clearly see that everything I wanted has been right in front of my face the entire time.
Today, Spring 2022 all of our dreams have come true. He built his empire and solely operates a multi-million dollar company. We live in a 10,000 square foot home in a private community. We have two beautiful children and more importantly we love, respect and cherish each other. It is not easy building something from nothing. He worked hard for our family. Shame on me for not being his biggest cheerleader.
Oh, one last thought. I learned this form of thinking from my beautiful mother-in-law who has worked with her son on this way of thinking most of life. Guess who has been trying to tell me for 9 years that I wasn’t happy? Damn! He was right again!